Learning to stand up for yourself will help you take control of your life, believe in your own power and encourage you to achieve your dreams.
1. Practice transparency and authenticity.
It can be difficult at times, but if you learn to express yourself openly and honestly, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. We often hide behind a half-hearted smile and nod our heads instead of speaking our minds. It takes practice, but learning to be authentic and open about what you feel or think is the first step. Once you get into the habit of making yourself heard without being too complacent or defensive, people will be more open to listening to you.
2. When someone attacks, expect it.
As you become more confident in expressing yourself, you will also have to learn to deal with those who want to overrule you. There will always be people whose personalities go into attack mode. It is important that you remain calm but assertive if you feel that someone is trying to bully you. Don’t get carried away or react with cheap shots. Don’t give them a reason or allow them to intimidate you. Walk the right path but stand your ground.
3. Find out what really bothers you.
Going with the flow to avoid making waves actually creates more stress and anxiety for you. Of course, getting up the courage to confront something or someone that bothers you can be scary. But confronting the problem empowers you to make it better and lessens the control it has over you. Remember that people can’t read your mind; if you don’t vocalise what’s bothering you, no one will know.
4. Clarify first, without attacking.
It is tempting to adopt a self-righteous posture, especially if you are sure you are right. From your point of view, you are justifiably defending yourself against someone who appears to be totally wrong. But it is important to resist the urge to react with emotion. Instead, take a breath and calmly explain your point of view. Avoid a combative tone or accusatory words. Clarify exactly what you mean and listen to their response. Only then can a real discussion begin.
5. Be deliberate.
This is a situation many of us have found ourselves in: sharing space with a messy co-worker or a roommate who is a slob. You may have remained silent as the situation escalates. It can be tempting to slip into passive-aggressive behaviour, such as angrily cleaning up the mess or making snide remarks. Instead, try to be deliberate. Tell the person how you feel without accusing them. Be honest about your concerns. Then make a simple suggestion that might correct the situation, such as “If you could take a minute to tidy up your space in the evening, that would be a big help.”
6. Stand up for your time.
Time is a precious and limited commodity, yet we often feel pressured to give it away when we have the chance to say no. There are times when you have no choice. There are times when you don’t have a choice, such as when your boss says a project is a high priority. But don’t let obligations dictate how you spend the hours in your day. You are in control of your own time. Withdraw when appropriate, or tactfully disconnect from those people or situations that submerge your schedule.
7. Recognise that no one can overrule you.
You are the absolute owner of your feelings and actions. Your beliefs, emotions, thoughts and ideas belong to you, and no one else can tell you how you feel or invalidate your opinions. By the same token, if you seek to invalidate other people’s views, you are also sabotaging any possibility of solving problems or having an open discussion.
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